Damaged
by TheUchihaRaven
Summary: Sasuke's nearly to his breaking point, will Naruto get there in time to save him? NaruSasu
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto character nor do I make any money from writing about them.

A/n: yeah, this is angsty, this chapter is shorter than the other's just because this wasn't actually supposed to be a fic (it started as a journal entry), but after more than a few people on y! asked, I continued it, so there's more chapters coming. If you don't like angst or cant stand to read suicidal thoughts then i suggest you hit the back button now Don't ask if Sasuke is gonna die, cause right now, I'm not sure, so we'll all have to wait and see as the chapters come out. As always, thanks for reading and comments are greatly appreciated

Damaged

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Sasuke's frown deepened. He growled inwardly to himself watching as the blonde continued to prance around and hug the others, laughing and talking as if he wasn't there. It's not his fault that he shattered his leg,(much like the life he was leading at the moment), that he was forced to be crippled and had to sit on the sidelines for everything, coming in second _again._ He was never the best no matter how hard he strived to be. He was always being compared to Itachi or Naruto and Sasuke was sick and tired of sitting and watching them continue to grow and get better while he was stuck, hindered by his own self doings.

_Fuck._

His fist tightened around the can of root beer but not enough so that the thin metal crushed but just enough to turn his pale knuckles white. He was envious of the jubilant man, grinning madly as his muscular frame moved between 'their' friends. _He_ was perfect in every way while all Sasuke saw were flaws. It never mattered how much he changed the way he did things, or how much he pushed what he wanted back (until even he couldn't remember his own dreams and aspirations), it was never enough. _Never. _

Always quick to analyze anything he thought, Sasuke knew his feelings could be construed as jealousy, but it's not that he thought he _deserved _what the blonde was getting, it was just that he wished that he could possess it as well. But of course, he was here, useless and alone because he chose to not be a hindrance on anyone. The heavy cast holding his leg together only seemed to bring him down more. It was supposed to help him, not continue to slow him down and keep him from the things that would make him happy, but it was. Sasuke was beginning to think that his brain needed some sort of helium attachment because he was always so down.

A loud laugh permeated his thoughts and those onyx orbs slowly lifted from floor where they had drifted to watch as the group writhed in laughter and happiness, easily lost in their own musings... without him. Sasuke snorted. He was easy enough to forget, to be pushed back where he was out of the way. He wanted to punch of the son of a bitch that had told him he was acting like a door mat. He was trying to be less of an asshole and that was his payment for being nice. Uchihas shouldn't be nice, he was selfish enough as it was and didn't appreciate the conclusion.

Blue eyes turned in his direction for a second, checking to see if there were any signs of discomfort with the raven, but Sasuke knew himself well enough to make it look as if he were bored or maybe less unhappy than what he currently was. He was good it, an expert maybe. It had become so much easier the last few months to hide how he felt from the world, to keep it all inside, while he acted happy or as if nothing was bothering him at all. Naruto knew he did it, but the beautiful blonde wasn't aware of how deep his sadness ran. The bright smile Sasuke received for his indifferent slouch was enough to make his heart clench and his chest ache.

His fingers tingled, a physical manifestation of the pain coursing though his veins. Always wanting. He should be happy with what he had. He had everything most people only dreamed of. A semi-functional family, friends, talent (even if in his perfectionist nature, he saw none), money... but... Sasuke exhaled heavily, a borderline sob, escaping him. He wanted something more; something that he had had, but had given up, only to realize later that he was a fool for even making it a choice. He had known what he wanted but chickened out in the last second throwing every iota of happiness he could have had away; and he hated himself more for it.

Sasuke turned around, showing his back to the crowd of happy people now put behind him. Sure, they missed him but it never really mattered if he was included nor not, if he was present or absent; they'd all move along with their lives. That's how they were, how they worked... those... optimistic people. Always looking on the bright side of everything while he was stuck contemplating the dark, something he seemed to constantly be in. The last to know. The last to be thought of. Another snort. It shouldn't bother him this much, but it did. Besides, he was only talking to himself at the moment, so it didn't matter if he was being weak or girlish. He knew he was weak no matter how strong he pretended to be on the outside. It was simple enough to fool everyone else into thinking that he was happy, or rather, that he was fine, but it was something completely different to try and fool himself of that fact. He wasn't going to lie, he'd done enough of that when he was younger, instead, he was just going to keep his mouth shut. They all had enough to worry about as it was without adding him to the list of things that caused headaches, worry, and pain.

The pale flesh of his jaw flexed as Sasuke clenched his teeth in an attempt to quell the burning liquid pressing at the back of his eyes. It was ridiculous to be this... upset, over something so stupid. Well, stupid to him. Naruto wasn't his to be possessive of. No, he'd made that point abundantly clear... to everyone but himself. It was getting on his own nerves that he'd get jealous of anyone who received the blonde's attention that _wasn't_ him. He even tried to sate his lust, but it wasn't the same, it was never enough, they weren't _him_. He longed to feel the other's body over him, pressing into him, making him forget all his sadness, all his suffering and anguish. Oh what those beautiful, sun-kissed lips could do to him.

Sasuke growled. He had no right, he chose this cast, this metaphorical ball and chain, because he wasn't strong enough, no matter how much he said otherwise, that and... he was scared. Scared to jump, afraid to risk everything in his controlled, perfect, little life and jump into something new, something he craved for. He was scared to fall, scared that in the end he'd lose everything he wanted and everything he left behind.

_**Fuck! **_

His head hurt. He was thinking too much again. The pain in his chest had taken over once more, causing the muscles in his shoulder to tighten in ache, stiffening him and hindering his movements. He needed to let go. To get away from all of this and to think, by himself for a while, but he wanted to be here, wanted the love, the attention, the fleeting happiness that everyone else provided. Still Sasuke didn't feel he was worthy of the praise he received, the affection. He hated feeling like a hurt puppy that needed to be nursed but his parents had never been there to tend to his wounds and they had torn, bled until they were filled with sugar and salt. He was beautiful (though he would deny that as well) but damaged. Nursing was needed just as he needed crutches to walk.

Sasuke felt the overpowering urge to hide. To crawl into some place dark and disappear. He glanced over his shoulder, looking back his friends. The want to be there flooded over him again, sending another urgent plea to his feet to make him leave. It was all too much for him. He wanted but couldn't have, couldn't have because he was afraid and the fear seemed to just cripple him more than any injury ever could. He idly wondered when he had gotten so weak, but the thought was gone as he concentrated on walking. The crutches didn't help, they were too big, to long and they were not his own but he was determined to use them until he could get to somewhere he didn't need them anymore or until someone came to help him walk, to help him get on his own two feet because he didn't possess the strength to. He couldn't ask Naruto, he had once, and the blonde had willingly agreed to help him, to save him, to _fix_ him; but now... now he was on his own, still needing to be saved from himself (as well as a few other things).

Ignoring the pain in his chest and the cool liquid sliding down his cheek in a single stream, Sasuke walked though the door, knocking the stopper out of the way for it to close behind him. That dark hiding spot only had enough room for him.

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a/n: please feel free to leave a review, I cherish them greatly as they help encourage me to continue writing, and no this is not the end


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto character nor do I make any money from writing about them.

A/n: There's more to this chapter and the plot (there's a plot? Oo) thickens a bit more. You can expect this to get darker before anything 'good' happens, a bit of NaruSasu lovings in this one (more WAFF? or lemony not sure) Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

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The door clicked softly shut behind him just in time to block out the large burst of laughter from the occupants within. Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes in an attempt to gain control of his body. This was so _stupid_. He had no place to- No right to- A deep growl rolled up his tightened throat but he swallowed around it. Naruto was his own person, his own being to be free and do as he wished, to be happy, to do whatever it was that _made_ him happy, just like everyone else on this fucking planet. It wasn't his place to keep holding the bright blonde back from those things... even if it hurt him to watch him smile and enjoy the company of other people. He wished it was like it had been before, he hated that _they_ made him happy while all he had done was cause the beautiful blue eyed moron headaches and heartache (not to mention worry the hell out of him) which forced that light that always seemed to surround, inhabit Naruto to dim ever so slightly.

Short nails dug into the rubber grips under his hands as Sasuke pushed at the anger that was growing, he turned it and forced it back upon himself. He was being the idiot now, he was being selfish and only thinking of himself. Naruto did miss him when he wasn't there, he loved him (even if it wasn't in the way that Sasuke wanted anymore... that time had passed) and he had continued to tell Sasuke so when he was down, but the comfort those words brought never seemed to stick in his mind for long. Sometimes Sasuke wondered if it was just an act. If Naruto only said those things because it was what he needed to hear.

That thought sent a searing pain though his whole body and caused the distinctive sting behind his eyes of tears wanting to slip out from under dark lashes.

No, Naruto still loved him on some level, he _knew_ that. He _**knew**_ he was missed when not around; but then that son of a bitch who had gotten to be with the dobe the night before (and not necessarily in _that_ way) just _had_ to come up to him and brag about all the fun they had had. Usually that person was on the receiving end of a glare that promised nothing less than a swift and sure death or had their head bitten off by one very pissed of Uchiha.

Of course it's not like he didn't _want_ to stay and be there with Naruto, to share in that joy the blonde brought to anyone around him, but he was forced to leave. He had responsibilities to tend to, he had to take care of things because no one else would do it for him. One slip up and Sasuke would have _nothing._ His 'uncle' had been crystal clear with that point and he knew he would never make it on his own, not after everything that had happened in his short lifetime It was Naruto that was keeping him from slipping off the edge, keeping Sasuke from ending his pain and his misery, even if Naruto was the cause of some of that pain (of course he would never tell him that).

Naruto's face pressed into his mind as he imagined what the owner of those blue eyes, those eyes that could melt the ice he had let his hear become, was doing right now. Sparkling with happiness and joy as he sat with the others, laughing and talking loudly as they shown brightly with the joy their owner was currently having. They were probably playing some game or drawing dirty pictures with the pictionary pads and pens. The deep breath he pulled in shook his chest as he fought to contain a sob. He wanted those eyes on him, he wanted to see that look in those cerulean orbs, the one that had only been reserved for him. That look of lust, of want. The look that always made him weak in the knees knowing that he was loved, that he was precious to someone whom he would give anything for. That he was Naruto's one and only and that they shared something no one else could have.

_Fuck._

He missed Naruto. Sometimes more than he thought any human being should be allowed to miss anything.

He pulled in a deep breath, slowly tying to quench the tears that were forming. It seemed that the world hated him; making sure that he came in second, that no matter what he did, it was never good enough or just shoving what he wanted but couldn't have in his face, letting it shake it's toned, perfect ass in front of his nose until Sasuke hated whatever it was with a passion or until he snapped and isolated himself from everything. God he sounded like a fucking spoiled little brat.

Dark orbs appeared again, slightly glassed over from unshed tears but they were set with a spark of determination, determination to get far away from the one place he wanted to be, from the one person he wanted to be _with_... so badly that he felt like he was going to explode.

The hall suddenly seemed to be longer as he managed to take a few assisted steps forward. The crutches dug painfully into his under arm making Sasuke seethe softy when he put pressure on his injured toes. Fuck. His pain meds had worn off while he had wasted time standing in the middle of the hall lusting after the idiot blonde of his dreams. The moron that he was no longer allowed to touch or taste, no longer allowed to hold or kiss, or-

_Fuck!_

He seethed again with his next step forward. The pain, no matter how bad, was welcome, it coursed though his body quickly overriding the manifested pain from his thoughts. The elevator wasn't far now, the anticipation of being free suddenly washed over him, causing Sasuke to quicken his pace. He could go down to the lobby and wait for them to leave, catching a ride home with someone since he couldn't drive (that was another thing he hated, he was dependent on someone else to cart him around like a child because he couldn't fair on his own). It wasn't dark down there, but he was sure he could find something to do, something to take his mind off everything blonde while he waited.

He lifted the right crutch, using it to press the button that called the elevator up. He let his eyes drift down to the cast on his right leg while waiting for his ride down. His dark eyes instantly picked out the 'Get Well Soon, Sasuke-Bastard' scrawled in sharpie down the length of the cast in the front followed by a crudely drawn picture of the moronic owner of said handwriting groping the injured Uchiha's ass on his foot. A half-hearted chuckle passed over his lips when he remembered the circumstances in which the drawing had been made, but then the idea sunk into his brain and the small resemblance of a smile that had formed on his plump lips faded, leaving Sasuke's features in a frown again.

The soft click of a door closing jerked him from his thoughts. His heart sped up. He didn't want to turn around, he didn't want to see those bright sunny locks heading toward him, he didn't want to see that happy grin on those beautiful features. No. He didn't want to to feel the ache that accompanied the sight of the one he loved so much, the person who made him feel complete, the person he could no longer have or hold.

"Where are you going?"

The oxygen that had been directed into his lungs suddenly stopped short, lodging in his throat which tightened around the invisible air bubble that had formed. Naruto's smooth, deep voice seemed to sting his ears, it burned behind the images of their past illuminating the memories that he was desperately trying to force out of his mind. He fists tightened around the crutch's padded handles and he quickly blinked away the tears, leaving his expression placid and indifferent. He was still working on swallowing the lump in his throat so Sasuke was afraid to speak, afraid that if he did, his voice would betray him.

"Hey Bastard, I know you heard me. Where are you going?" Naruto's hand slid over his shoulder just as he came into Sasuke's peripheral vision. Warmth immediately radiated from the spot that quickly washed over him attempting to melt the ice barrier that he had put in place to defend himself, to defend his heart from being broken again.

"To get a drink." He said the first thing that popped into his head to avoid talking about what he had been thinking about all this time. Sasuke looked up at the numbers above the elevator doors, watching as it stopped three floors below this one. Why was it taking so fucking long? Didn't he push the button five minutes ago?

"There are drinks in the mini-fridge."

_Damnit._

Naruto was right. There were cans of soda in the small refrigerator in the room. He tensed up when the elevator stopped again. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to cause the other pain. Sasuke knew if he looked at Naruto that the blonde would quickly worry, that he'd instantly be able to see what he was trying to hide away and keep to himself. His dark eyes always betrayed him when he looked into those beautiful pools of endless blue. _Always._

"Sasuke..." Naruto pressed back on his shoulder, slipping in front of him and blocking the view of his blurry reflection in the metal doors. He closed his eyes, wishing that he had not wasted so much time earlier with thinking, wished that maybe he had not agreed to come here to begin with because he knew he would feel left out even if he had been the one surrounded. He was alone in a crowd and there wasn't anything that could make him feel any different. He could feel those knowing eyes on him, watching the muscles and joints in his jaw tighten and flex as Sasuke fought with his thoughts, with the pain that was readily rising and pulling at his heart.

Naruto was still holding onto his shoulder tightly. "Look at me."

_No._

After pulling in a deep breath Sasuke lifted his head, his eyes following a few heartbeats after. He refused to avoid the attentive orbs watching him, waiting to see why his best friend had fled the room. Sasuke kept his teeth clenched and his jaw set, elegant brows furrowed just enough to create a small crease between them. He wasn't going to crack, he wasn't going to give in this time.

"Hey..." Naruto's tone had quickly changed to express his worry and the partial knowledge of what Sasuke had been struggling with. "Come back in there, alright? You can sit by me." A bright smile quickly illuminated the whiskered face. "I promise not to bite... hard."

"I need to get home." He fought to keep his own voice cool, calculated, but it wavered ever so slightly and the grip on his shoulder tightened, the one hand now had its partner resting his other shoulder. Pale brows arched up in concern as Naruto scanned his face, quickly analyzing every thing he saw while trying to figure out what was bothering the now obviously upset Uchiha.

Sasuke growled inwardly. Goddamnit! He could see the worry written plainly on the other's face, the concern and the torment because Naruto didn't know what he was thinking. No. He had to keep his mouth shut, he had to keep this to himself. He couldn't let Naruto know he was envious, jealous... still madly in love with him. The moron didn't know what he did to him, didn't know that every smile directed at him caused the strings around his heart to clench, that when those expressive eyes were laid upon someone else it made his blood boil, that when he was away all he wanted to be was next to him and so much so that it hurt physically.

God he was such a moron. He never should have let Naruto go.

"Sasuke." Naruto's voice seemed more confidant now. "Come back with me." It was more of a request than a demand. Fuck, that's what he wanted. It's _all_ he wanted, but he couldn't give in, he couldn't stand to sit there and feel like an outsider while he watched everyone else enjoying themselves completely unaware of his misery or his undying craving for the person now standing in front of him.

"I can't."

"Sasuke, please."

Naruto's voice wavered this time. Sasuke knew that the blonde was only trying to do what was best for him, trying to include him so he didn't feel left out, but still, he did because he didn't belong, and no amount of wishing would change that. He didn't belong anywhere anymore. He had no reasons left to-

Soft, warm lips pressed against his own forcefully. His eyes shut welcoming the touch that instantly derailed that train of thought while sending a painful wave of pleasure though his system. Sasuke felt his heart quicken in its once steady rhythm as his stomach fluttered happily. Those feelings didn't last long though. Tears quickly formed under pale lids and slid down over the high cheeks as he swallowed the sobs that his body was trying to retch up. Oh god it hurt to much, he wanted this so much. His chin quivered, lips faltering and alerting the other to what was happening.

Naruto pulled away, tears brimming his own eyes as he stared back into those dark, wet pools. Sasuke could feel his heart breaking all over again. He wanted Naruto so much that he was now shaking, fingers numb with the pain vibrating in his chest, unable to control the emotions that were quickly flooding his system. Wet trails were left as the tears continued down his neck, absorbed into the dark cotton of his shirt. He swallowed, parting his lips to speak thus allowing a few sobs to escape unhindered.

"I'm sorry." Sasuke spoke softy as the elevator dinged behind them, the doors opening with a flood of fluorescent light. "I have to go." He quickly bowed his head, closing his eyes to those beautiful eyes, wishing that he had never come, that he wasn't so weak that he couldn't handle his own decisions, that he wasn't so afraid of losing everything so that he could stand up and-

"Sasuke." Naruto tugged gently on his arm as he passed, stepping into the vacant cart. "Don't... please." He pleaded, concern and worry easily readable in those eyes honest eyes, confronting him when the raven had finally turned around. Naruto stepped forward enough to almost keep the doors from shutting. They both knew what Sasuke was capable of, of what he wasn't afraid to do.

"I can't promise you anything, Naruto." Sasuke let the last of his tears fall, quickly cooling his heated cheeks. "You know how I feel, you know what I want... but we both know-"

"I still love you." Naruto interrupted him, a few tears finally spilled and rolled down those perfect cheeks.

_He knew._

His heart skipped a beat. No. No... no, nonono, _no!_ His chest heaved up, sobs quickly spilling over his lips as fresh tears poured down over his cheeks. The strings enveloping his heart tightened to the point that he couldn't stand it anymore. He had to get this pain to stop, he needed to rip these feelings in his chest or he was going to die. He could feel his resolve crumbling under those eyes, under the warmth that still radiated from his lips where they had touched. It had only taken one kiss for the blonde to figure out what he had been thinking, one touch, one taste. Sasuke had never lied to Naruto and he wasn't about to start now. The doors clicked, slowly moving along the track heading towards each other. He lifted his eyes from where they had fallen a few seconds prior to stare at the other's chest, the sadness those eyes now held as the doors closed, threatening to separate them forever, was overwhelming.

"I'll always love you." Sasuke stated honestly just before the doors shut, closing him off in the cart away from those eyes, that smiling face. He couldn't take this anymore. It needed to stop and stop now. He didn't care what it took, he was going to do it. He didn't deserve Naruto's love after everything he had put the blonde through and hearing, seeing, tasting those feelings again had send him over the edge. his heart sank before he felt like his body was trying to regurgitate it, force him to see what he was feeling with his own eyes, to for himself to face what he was running away from. He couldn't do it, he couldn't stand to know that he loved to never have and to know that Naruto was in the same pain as him, the same pain that he was the cause of, killed him. Naruto didn't deserve this, he deserved to be happy, not to have someone standing in his way, not have someone continuously pining after him. He knew how annoying that was first hand with Sakura and he wasn't about to be a hindrance on all the fun Naruto could have without him there.

The elevator dinged and rocked as it stopped on the ground floor, the heavy doors opened to reveal the dim, empty lobby. He needed to get home now before anyone could stop him, Before they could break though the barrier he was quickly erecting as he made his way to the exit. No. This time he was going to end this pain.

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a/n: Reviews are more than welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto character nor do I make any money from writing about them.

A/n: so here's chapter three. It's a bit more angsty than the the first two, but if you can stomach it, I think it'll be worth it in the end Chapter 4 is in progress as I'm typing this, so that'll be up soon. As always, I hope you enjoy!

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Sasuke stopped once he had stepped off the elevator. He had to get control of himself before leaving the building. He had to stop crying for fuck's sake, he wasn't some thirteen year old girl who had just been rejected by her life long crush, no, he was Uchiha Sasuke, and he didn't cry, he didn't allow his emotions take him over and control him. Maneuvering the crutches around in his arms he wiped at his eyes, removing the evidence of his breakdown from his face and forcing it onto his long sleeve.

He paused, the navy cotton still and pressed against his cheek, the dark material standing out in contrast to his flushed, pale skin as he waited, much like a deer trapped in headlights, when the distinct sound of one of the heavy doors in the stairwell slammed closed, the noise flowing down to him from a higher floor, from which one he wasn't sure. He listened as sneakers squeaked every few steps on the stairs, the person quickly getting closer to him. Sasuke was expecting to see spiky blonde locks appear in the small window to the door on his left any second now, but then another loud slam signaled a different door closing. He released the breath he had been unintentionally holding.

The pain was back in his chest again. He knew Naruto, he _knew_ that the blonde didn't give up that easily... so where was he? Had he finally given up on him? Had he finally had enough? The thought that Naruto had been and was just telling him what he needed, telling him what he wanted to hear entered his brain again with renewed vigor. Naruto _had_ simply told him what he needed to hear which simply reminded him of all the things they once shared, of all the things they couldn't have anymore.

_Naruto..._

Inky locks shook harshly as Sasuke turned away from the empty stairwell, his watery eyes now set on the double glass doors leading out of the building. He had to stop this, stop this want, this need, this _weakness_. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to be together, they were supposed to be happy, they were supposed to grow old together, laughing at the dumb things kids did when they were younger when they were 80 all the while Naruto asking anyone they passed to 'pull his finger'. How did it come to this? How did they end up like _this?_ Then he remembered (not that he could ever forget).

A deep growl rumbled in his chest and vibrated up into his throat until Sasuke swallowed the angered sound that was half from the pain now pounding in his leg as he slowly made it though the lobby and half from the hate he had for his 'uncle'. God how he abhorred that man, the man that held his future in his very hands, held his life and played with it like a toy, the man that seemed to get pleasure out of his pain, his suffering, the man that continued molest every aspect of him (_ever_ aspect) and force Sasuke's world to become even more disoriented that what it had already been. It wasn't fair that _he_ gained control of the family money when his parents died, that they didn't have enough time to set up the proper legal things on a trust in his name. Itachi was the lucky one, he had everything he wanted, he was the prodigy, he never fucked up like Sasuke. No. Itachi was _perfect._ That homophobic man that was in charge of Sasuke continued to press himself into every nook and cranny of his life even though he was twenty-three years old and according to previous stipulations, parameters set in place in a moment of distress, Sasuke wasn't even supposed to _see_ Naruto anymore. If he knew, if he ever found out, he would be living out on the street, naked most likely with how ridiculously out of proportion that man took every thing.

The front doors to the dorm stopped his thoughts, it took all of his concentration just to push and hold one open while attempting to walk though the small opening he made, balancing on his one good leg with the crutches in the other hand. How he wished that the car had just crushed him, ended this hell that was his life. He was tired of dealing with everything, tired of walking on eggshells, and tired of not being able to do as he wanted (not that he knew what that was anymore). Sure he could get a job, get money of his own, but with the way his 'uncle' was, he'd question his motives for employment, berate them and then demand to get most of the paycheck as payment for all the years he had taken care of him. That car had simply just made his life worse instead of doing what it was supposed to do. He snorted. And the doctors had said he was _lucky_.

_**Bullshit.**_

The cool night air washed over him completely once he was free of the door. The sharp breeze sent his dark locks swirling over tear streaked cheeks while the chill assaulted his nose and stung his overworked lungs. He growled again, there was no way he could get home quick enough like this, with this damn cast on his leg. His fingers were still numb from the pain that the kiss had pushed into his body and sobs continued to lurch up from somewhere deep inside making his chest feel heavier than what it already was with his heart bound tightly with his thoughts, with the knowledge that Naruto was in pain, that he was the cause of that pain. Sasuke could deal with his own, he could take anything thrown at him, hell, he'd rather take the blame for something he didn't do than deal with arguing with some fucking moron. So, why the fuck was he being so weak now? Why couldn't he fend for himself like he usually did? What was it that was pulling him down, upsetting him enough to make him cry? Love made you weak, love made you strong, it made you do things you never thought you'd ever do (like fall for a gorgeous, blue-eyed, blonde, bronzed sex god... who happened to act like a moron on a daily basis).

The next step wasn't quite as painful as the previous ones had been. The memory of Naruto's perfectly tanned body flashed in his brain causing his fingers to tingle and the air that was in his lungs to quickly grow heavier while burning his heart. The perfect body that could bring him immeasurable, unfathomable amounts of pleasure, that could stop his rapid, overwhelming, rushing thoughts, that could drive him so crazy with want and desire and then pound him into the mattress or caress him softy, the same body that would hold him until he forgot all his pain, was the same one that he could no longer have. Naruto was beautiful and Sasuke could no longer say that that beauty belonged solely to him, no longer look into those sparkling eyes and know that he was the one person that the gorgeous blonde wanted, craved, iloved/i, and had for his own. No, his 'uncle' had put an end to that. It was either Naruto or his life and everything that Sasuke had wanted when he was younger. He couldn't chose, the question had been loaded, pressed onto him without prior notice and there was only one answer that would be accepted and he knew it, Naruto knew it. Naruto had told him to pick the 'right' one, the one he knew his 'uncle' had wanted and then proceeded to pack what things he had in Sasuke's home and leave.

Fresh tears rolled down pale, wind blown, reddened cheeks, they were cooled once escaped from those dark eyes, the breeze nipping at them and making the slightly salty droplettes sting in their decent, following the path of their predecessors. He had betrayed everything he had promised Naruto, even if the words had never left his mouth. They just knew each other well enough that when they looked into the other's eyes it was if they had one mind. Those beautiful blue eyes held the secrets that only Sasuke had been allowed to see and the amount of pain that they held when they kissed for the last time, said goodbye as lovers for the last time broke Sasuke's heart, he hyperventilated while his stomach was twisted into in knots (and then released the prior two days food intake), and it had tore him apart, pushed him to speed away from his home and into tree. He swore that he'd never hurt Naruto again, he'd never be the cause of any pain in the blonde's life; but here he was, causing more pain, breaking Naruto's heart all over again while his own was being blended into a fine paste for his 'uncle' to use on his dainty, lightly salted crackers.

_No._

He wasn't going to allow this to continue, he wasn't going to allow himself to be used anymore, he couldn't take it, he couldn't handle losing Naruto all over again. The blonde was the only person- _Goddamnit._ Who the fuck would be calling him right now?

_Naruto?_

Sasuke stopped where he was, balancing himself on his good leg while digging for vibrating device in his pocket. His heart raced, maybe Naruto didn't give up on him, maybe he was calling to tell Sasuke to wait... No, he wasn't so lucky. The muscles in his jaw flexed visibly under the pale skin. It was his 'uncle'; if he didn't answer the phone he might as well never return home. _Fuck_, that man took the smallest things out of context and flipped over them backwards and then used them against him.

"Yeah?" His voice was cold, composed, so much different that what he expected it to be that it surprised him. He listened as the voice on the other end began to yell, to tell him that he was getting on his last nerve (when wasn't he?), telling Sasuke how he had failed him again, then question him about where he was, how he had gotten there and that was only the beginning. God, he couldn't deal with this right now, he couldn't handle another one of his 'uncle's' episodes.

_**Fuck.**_

"I needed a ride, that's all it was, its not like I can drive." Sasuke growled out, explaining why he was at the collage campus instead of being at home, locked away in his room away from everyone, away from the world, away from Naruto. He could feel the tears of frustration push on the back of his eyes, the emotional vomit from today still fresh in his throat. "It was just a fucking ride, nothing else. He cares for me, it's not like we had sex in the backseat." His knuckles screamed angrily at him, turning red then white with the steel grip he had on the phone. "I'm on my way home no-" Pearly teeth ground painfully together as Sasuke listened to the paranoid man bitch about how he'd seen a comment on his homepage from the blonde, how Sasuke continued to keep his phone number in his cell, that he kept a few mementos (a shirt and a pair of boxers) that Naruto had left, that Sasuke still had pictures of him, of them together. Once he started in on Sasuke about how lucky he was that he allowed, _allowed_ him to keep Naruto as a friend he tuned him out. No. This was enough; this was going to be the last time he had to listen to the hypocrite tell him what to do, what think, tell him what he was feeling. This was his final push over the edge.

He hung up, not waiting to say goodbye to the one person who seemed to have damaged him more than anyone else, from the person who had spent most of their time breaking Sasuke down further, pushing him closer and closer to his tipping point. The phone was turned off and then shoved into his pants pocket with more force than what was necessary. He worked the crutches back under his arms and continued down the sidewalk. What did he do to deserve- No, he knew that this was entirely his own fault, that he had done everything wrong, that he had failed and this was his punishment, this was the life he was supposed to have. But if this was what he had made it, then it was what he could take away.

Ignoring the sharp sting on his face and the pain that each one of his forceful, angered steps sent though his right side, Sasuke continued forward, moving as quick as his crippled state would allow, heading towards the large building in front of him. The side door was propped open letting a stripe of white light pour out into the sidewalk, the light was almost like a guide, beckoning him inside and giving him the confidence he needed to make it to the top floor.

He remembered sitting up on the ledge looking down at the people below while Shikamaru smoked a cigarette between classes, he remembered reading about people who had survived falling from such a height in those classes, talking about how peaceful it was, that they never felt any pain when they landed, that there was no flashing moments from their lives before their eyes, that it was just the wind against their body and then the warm caress of blackness, of everything and nothing. He wanted that peace, he needed it, he needed to end this pain that he was constantly in, he needed to end the suffering he inflicted on himself, on others. He needed to stop the pain he inflicted on Naruto, to stop the worry, the headaches, the heart aches. He needed this time to work.

He needed _this_ time to not fail.

Blue orbs stared at the closed doors, at the reflection of their owner in the heavy metal, for about three tenths of a second before the vacant hall was filled with sound of his bare feet smacking against the linoleum as he ran towards his room. He needed to get to Sasuke, he needed to make that bastard see that he wasn't alone, that he was wanted, he was loved and that everything was going to be alright, he was going to make everything better. It _had_ to be alright, he _had_ to be better than this.

The anguish he saw in those dark orbs was nothing like he'd seen before. The fact that Sasuke continued to give in, that he continued to blame himself for things, that he'd lost the will to fight, to stand up for himself, got under his skin, it had his mind always thinking about whether the pale skinned beauty was okay or not, always worrying about him all while pushing him to work harder, to talk to Sasuke even when he was closing himself from everyone and everything.

He'd saved Sasuke from himself once, stopped him when he had walked in on him, blade pressed against that milky skin with a dark stream of blood flowing quickly towards the floor. The sight had crushed him, had caused his heart to break, to drop to his feet which seemed to have of lost all functionality at the time. He couldn't believe that Sasuke would do such a thing, that his proud, stoic best friend, his lover, would resort to _cutting_ himself because he couldn't deal with all the shit in his life anymore (though he didn't blame him). God, there had been so much blood...

Naruto growled, angry that the hall had suddenly seemed to have grown longer. He hated this hall and he hated that Sasuke would let things pile up on him until he couldn't carry the load, that he'd carry it around until he would break down, he'd snap and hide, he'd disappear and blame everything on himself, and he'd hurt because he thought he deserved it, he thought that his life didn't mean much to anyone, but he didn't deserve it and his life meant something, it meant everything to him.

That was the one thing that he had tried to pound into the dark haired beauty, to get the fact that he _did_ matter to him, that it was never to late to change things , that he was missed, he was loved, that it was alright if he wanted to cry (it didn't make him weak to), that it was alright if he wanted to be held tightly in his arms. Sasuke was too goddamned thick skulled and it took most of his energy to continuously press those facts onto him, to constantly reassure him and it gave him headaches, made him worry but only because he cared so deeply for him, because he wanted Sasuke to see what he saw, to see that he was beautiful (gorgeous, _perfect_), that he was talented (he _could_ follow his dreams), he was wanted (and not just by him), and he had every reason in this world to live, to fight... but the only thing it did was make Sasuke think he was a burden, that he was causing Naruto grief and pain, and those thoughts had drove Sasuke to want to end his life, to end the pain he believed he was causing; but his pain was coming from the fact that he couldn't do anything to change his loves life, that he was helpless to do anything to completely save Sasuke from everything that was driving him to suffer.

The images of that night continued to flash in front of his eyes as he scrambled to open his door. God, why did he have to so distracted? Why couldn't he pay more attention instead of wanting it all on him? Why couldn't he take on more? Why couldn't the world see that he needed to move forward faster? And why the fuck won't this damn door open?!

He couldn't allow Sasuke to think that he'd abandoned him, to think that he'd forgotten about him, to think that he'd given up on his goals, the goals that were going to change their futures and allow them to be together. It didn't matter if they couldn't talk anymore, that they rarely saw each other, or that they weren't allowed to say 'I Love You'. Naruto knew Sasuke loved him with all his being and he loved the broody raven haired man just the same. Sasuke was his life, Sasuke was the reason he was working so hard, he was going to save him, he was going to take him away from everything that caused him pain, caused him to lose himself to dark thoughts and stupid actions. If only the bastard would wait. He was just one person, he couldn't do it all; he needed to get through collage, he needed A's, needed money, and needed more fucking time. He was going to get his degree and then he'd get an awesome job and have a big ass paycheck and they wouldn't need anything else in the world... except for maybe a cat.  
The door finally decided to cooperate and Naruto bolted inside, his blonde hair was simply a flash in front of his friend's eyes as he scrambled to find his shoes.

Notebooks, text books, porn, ramen cups, clothes, more clothes, porn, pens, drawing pads, more ramen cups... Damnit! Why wasn't he more organized? Where the fuck were his shoes?!

Ignoring the questions of 'what's the rush?' and 'where's the fire?', and ignoring the questioning stares from his friends as they watched the seemingly insane blonde tear though his belongings, Naruto continued to search, throwing the unwanted objects everywhere before turning to the next area and searching.

"_Fuck!_"

He stopped, pulling in a slow, deep breath. He'd had them on when they came back, before they had moved into the center of the room to play a few games...

"The door!" He rushed over to see his sneakers lying haphazardly tossed down near the side of his desk by the door. He slipped them on, not caring that he didn't have on any socks, he didn't have time for them. Straightening up he looked around to quickly check to see where his phone was in case he couldn't find the bastard and needed to call him, needed to stop him from doing something he'd regret.

_Sasuke..._

Naruto knew they were all looking at him, wondering what had transpired out in the hall between him and Sasuke, and he knew they could see the tear trails on his cheeks, that they could see the fresh ones forming out of frustration, desperation. He grabbed his cell off the bed and made a mad dash for his door that was slightly ajar from when he had entered.

A soft knock stopped him in his tracks. The floor's 'manager' peeked his head inside to inform his friends that they needed to leave because it was getting late. _No shit Sherlock!_ It was late, he was late, he needed to get downstairs right now and get to Sasuke, get to the one person that if he lost, he might as well be shot on the spot because he wouldn't want to live without him. Naruto growled, he needed to get to Sasuke _**now**_ before his angsty ass did something incredibly stupid, something they both knew he wasn't afraid of doing.

Time seemed to tick by painfully slow as everyone gathered their things together. They were doing this on purpose, they had to be; they were doing this to torture him, taking their precious time with pushing books in bags, pulling shoes on feet, fuck, Sasuke was injured and he moved faster than these slowpokes. Sasuke... shit, Sasuke had to be halfway home by now, and who knows if he wasn't walking down the middle of the freeway to get there!

With a quick glance over his shoulder he pushed his way out of his room no longer caring that they were speaking to him, (he wasn't listening anyway), that he was leaving his door unlocked to anyone who wanted to come in and steal anything, no, all he cared about right now was getting to Sasuke and setting the gorgeous bastard straight.

Bypassing the elevator Naruto flung open the door to the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time before jumping down the last eight to land on the small platform between floors, he headed to the lobby. God, the look in those dark eyes, he'd never seen Sasuke break down into tears like that before, he'd never known that strong, beautiful body to sob, to _cry_ as hard as he had been. Shit, he should have said something sooner, he should have told Sasuke what he'd been thinking when he thought it, he should have reminded Sasuke that his plans didn't change, he should have asked what was wrong when he knew something was bothering him, what it was that was getting him down, causing him pain. He shouldn't have denied his own feelings, shouldn't have kept them to himself, pretending as if he wasn't in the pain he knew he was in. He deluded himself from his own feelings at the first sign of sadness, it's what he'd taught himself to do, forced himself to do, to just convince himself that he wasn't depressed or in pain, that he wasn't lonely, that he didn't miss the stoic man, that he didn't still love him. He had to do it, he couldn't let anything get in his way, not even the fact that he was in love or a stupid thing like being depressed because he couldn't have the man of his dreams, the love of his life, the light of his soul, right now. No, Uzumaki Naruto was a golden ball of sunshine that rained down happiness on everyone around him, he was hyper, he was exciting, he was original, and _nothing_ was going to stand in the way of his dream.

They were opposites, light and dark, quiet and loud, soft and rough, angsty and smily. They were made for each other, complemented each other, even their bodies fit together perfectly. Sasuke was lean, pale, elegant, _perfect;_ while he was muscled, tanned, and rugged. Even if the broody SOB got on his nerves all time, he loved him, he loved that he could see what Sasuke was thinking when he stared into those bottomless onyx pools, he loved that he could kiss those plump lips and know that he was taking away the pain that tore though that beautiful body, loved that when Sasuke was down he let him hold him, touch him softly and just enjoy being together. God how he missed laying next to him, how he missed running his fingers over the soft skin, missed placing chaste kisses over his body, missed nipping at the flesh just behind Sasuke's ear and making him melt, he missed being able to show him everything that no one else got to see, missed being able to watched him sleep, being able to say 'I Love you' and know that he was loved back just the same, just as much even if the words weren't returned. He missed everything about the raven and just the thought of never being able to see him again sent a fresh wave of tears to his eyes. If Sasuke was gone then he'd-

The cold air hit him head on, shocking his heated body, jolting him from his thoughts as it rolled over his bare skin.

_Shit._

He'd forgot to grab a jacket and the muscle-t he was wearing didn't cover him well, it wasn't thick enough to keep the cold from assaulting his glistening skin and the shorts he had on defiantly weren't helping. He'd started to sweat while panicking, while running down seven flights of stairs to get to the person he wasn't sure was at the bottom. A shiver ran though him as his glazed over deep blue pools quickly scanned the courtyard and the surrounding buildings. There was no sign of Sasuke, no sign that anyone or anything was out here or that they had been out here in the past few minutes. How long, how much time had he wasted? He started walking, unsure where to go, unsure where Sasuke's self-destructive thoughts would take him, but knowing he needed to move, to continue forward.

_Hold on._

God, Sasuke, hold the fuck on! Didn't he know? Didn't Sasuke think that he still wanted him, that he still loved him, still dreamed about him, still fantasized about him? When had he forgotten all the things Naruto had tried to input into his brain? When had he given up on happiness again? When had stopped believing that it would all be alright that Naruto would change things, that he'd turn everything around? When had Sasuke decided that ending his life was the best option?! He knew his best friend was unstable, that he was hanging by a thread, but something had sent him over the edge, something had caused that thin string that was steadily unwinding to snap.

_Fuck._

He needed to get to Sasuke, he needed to save him, to tell him how much he loved him, that if only he could hang on for a few more years that he'd save him, he'd fix him (fix _this_), tell him that it would be everything he had promised and so much more. If only Sasuke would just hang on, if he'd just give him a chance. He knew his 'uncle' was pushing him, forcing him to do things he didn't want, forcing him to choose things out of fear and Naruto wanted to beat the shit out of that man, out of the person who was supposed to have protected Sasuke but was hurting him instead, killing him slowly and damaging him more than any person ever could.

Fresh tears welled up, clung to his thick blonde lashes as he thought about everything Sasuke had told him, all the shit he'd been through, thought about the pain that coursed though the raven's veins on a daily basis. He wanted to stop that pain so badly, to protect Sasuke from everything while nurturing him with the love that he deserved, he wanted to show Sasuke how much pleasure he could have, how much love that his body contained just for him. All Naruto wanted to do was to pull Sasuke into his arms and keep him there forever and never let him go... if only he could find him, if only he could get to him in time.

_Wait for me, Sasuke._

A small crack of light in his peripheral vision drew his attention, pulled those glassy blue orbs to it as if it was showing him, leading him. Naruto flanked and ran towards the propped open door as fast as he could, wincing when the light hit him, flooding his unready eyes and making him temporarily blind. A few tears slipped from under those golden lashes, running down over heated, whiskered cheeks as he took off down the hall towards the elevator, the stairs, anything that would get him to the roof where he knew Sasuke would be headed.

He hoped that he wasn't too late, that he'd make it in time. He didn't see anything on the ground outside (what he could see of it). He knew that people liked to hang out on the roof, knew that Sasuke had been up there many times before, even confessed about sitting on the ledge and staring down at the sidewalk. He found the elevator and smacked at the button next to the doors, which lit up happily before the motors kicked on and began to bring the car down to him.

_Down, __**Shit!**_ Sasuke was already here, already up there, he didn't have time to wait, he didn't have time just stand around while his best friend continued to work his way towards the edge, towards the one thing that would separate them forever.

He blinked though the haze that was his vision, pressing the tears back while searching for the door to the stairwell. Where the fuck was it!? Someone was purposely doing this, hiding everything he needed to get to Sasuke, pushing things in his way, slowing him down. He was going to kill the architects of this building right after Sasuke's 'uncle' but not before he pulled the brooding bastard from the edge and then beat some sense into him. Why couldn't he see that everything he had said was true, that he missed him, that he'd save him, that he still loved him (he had always loved him, adored him!)? What was it that his 'uncle' had said that made him forget everything Naruto had worked so hard to show him? Damnit, why couldn't Sasuke see that it was never too late to change things? He tried to make him feel like it wasn't too late, that staying alive was worth it, that it would _be_ worth it, but then something would happen, something would corrupt him, turn him against himself and make him want things, do things that he knew he didn't want, do things he didn't want to do.

He couldn't do everything, he couldn't always be there to help him chose and Sasuke needed to want to be saved, he needed to have more confidence. Why couldn't he see that he was strong, he was dark, mysterious, wanted, loved, beautiful, charming, addicting... Fuck! He was everything that Naruto wanted and more; he needed Sasuke like he needed air and he knew that Sasuke felt the same about him.

The reaction, the look in those dark eyes had told him everything that he needed to know, told him everything that had ran though that thick, beautiful head, showed him the pain that was rapidly flowing though his body. He knew that Sasuke had been on edge, that being around everyone had set something off, he knew that his inattention didn't help, that he had felt left out again, but as much as he wanted to just give Sasuke one-hundred percent of himself, he couldn't, he'd already neglected everyone and everything for the raven haired beauty and now, now he wished that he had pulled him back inside, had kissed him harder, held him tighter.

_No._

Sasuke was still alive, he was still brooding, still limping towards the ledge. He'd get there in time, he would pull him back, he would save him like he had before. It's not too late! He picked up his pace taking the stairs four at a time instead of two, sneakers squeaking on the newly cleaned steps that he managed to use.

_It's not too late..._

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a/n: Sorry for the cliffie! is ebil haha but no worries, there's more to come and reviews are more than welcome!


	4. Chapter 4 finial

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto character nor do I make any money from writing about them.

A/n: okie... so after killing Sasuke more times that I can count, 3 complete restarts on this and input/influence from my Naru, this is what I've got. I really hope this 'ending' is satisfying enough for ya! Enjoy!

* * *

The wind picked up blowing though the area quietly while sending raven bangs fluttering across wind burnt cheeks and dark, empty eyes. A few stray drops of rain from the dark clouds looming off to his left padded gently against the pale flesh that seemed to glow in the soft moonlight. Onyx orbs watched everything as if the world had slowed down just for them, allowing them to pull in everything for the last time. The drying leaves on the ground bristled softly, rustling along with their companions, the moon held her sway over the heavy clouds for the time being, reflecting back the bright light from the sun somewhere on the other side of the horizon.

Idle thoughts continued to seep into Sasuke's brain as he sat on the ledge of the building, crutches abandoned a few feet behind, feet hanging over the side so that his bare toes were open to the cold night air. He sat, hands gripping the outside of the rough cement ledge, arms locked and ready to push, but he wasn't moving, save for the few tears that dared to escape his eyes and roll slowly down his cheeks, stinging them.

He never thought it would come to this, that he'd die alone and in so much pain. It wasn't his leg that hurt, it was his heart, any physical pain was nothing compared to this, to this misery, to this agony, this heartache. Concentrating on the pain pushing it's way though his system he lost all his other senses, not hearing anything else other than the dull beating of his broken heart as it pounded in his ears. The sound of the leaves, of the wind, the thunder and lightning in the distance, the door to the roof slamming closed with the force of the oncoming storm was all lost on deaf ears.

Blue eyes scanned the area around them quickly, looking for any sign of his best friend. They almost immediately settled on the glint of metal, one crutch laid to his left, discarded and unwanted, the other a few feet closer to the ledge than its twin. _He was up here._ The tears that he had stopped from falling while running up the stairs fell freely now as the sight of Sasuke sitting on the ledge of the building hit him like a semi. _He was alive._ Joy quickly poured though him, happy that his best friend was still there, fuck, he'd never been happier to see that duck butt hair and sunless skin, but the slumped posture Sasuke had made the pain he was in even more obvious. Suddenly Naruto was at a loss for words, the only thing he wanted to do was to pull the raven haired beauty back, to make sure that he wouldn't accidentally fall before he could tell him everything he thought, everything he felt, everything he wanted.

His feet moved for him, slowly walking him away from the door and towards the ledge.

"Sasuke-"

"Naruto, don't." His voice was strained; he was trying to control his pain, his sadness. "Please."

He could hear the blonde approaching, a few leaves crunching under his shoes as he was stepping over the crutches and walking up behind him.

He tensed, waiting for that warm body to touch him, to embrace him like he wanted, but he tensed because he knew he couldn't handle that feeling anymore, that he'd slip from the edge and fall. As much as he craved for the others warmth, the warmth that never faded, just as his bright and happy nature that radiated onto everything around him, he didn't want the pain that came with it, the knowledge that seeped into his very being that the warmth was not his, was not meant for him, that warmth he used to cherish now burned him, scorched his skin and seared his heart.

He could feel Naruto's eyes on him, those beautiful blue orbs, but he dared not look knowing that he'd give in, he'd crumble under their gaze and fall back, he'd allow himself to be caught. No, he'd made up his mind and there was no changing it, not now, not when he was so close to ending this hell that he lived in everyday, he didn't care what level of hell other people would believe he was sent to, anything was better than this.

"I need you Sasuke." His voice sounded more confident that what he actually was, he was shaking. "Please, don't do this... for me?" He could feel his chest burning as he stared at Sasuke's profile, watched as those dark eyes didn't flicker in his direction, they didn't move, they just continued to watch the world in front of them without actually seeing it. He wanted to look into those onyx pools, to see the pain he was in, to share it, to _fix_ it.

He couldn't think of anything to say, Naruto had saved him before, he'd waited this long, surviving on the knowledge that one day all this would end, that one day he wouldn't have to be on guard, that he'd be happy, free, that they would be together... but now things only continued to get worse, slowly deteriorating until he was standing in the remains of what one could have called his life.

"I can't do this anymore, Naruto." He spoke softly knowing that he would be heard with their close proximity, he could already feel the other's warmth and it sent a new wave of pain though his system which he concentrated on, pulled it towards his heart and used it as fuel to keep his walls up, he couldn't afford to let Naruto in, not now even though it didn't matter anymore if he kept things inside; especially things that were obvious (like the fact that he couldn't handle the way things were), otherwise he wouldn't be here to begin with.

"You can't leave me, not like this."

Anger hit him suddenly with those words. "And what am I supposed to do when you leave me? When you fall for someone else? I'm already just a spectator, watching you be happy with everyone else, watching as they get to hug you freely and I have to sit here and contain myself, afraid that if I slip up even a little I'm as good as dead. Naruto, you're everything to me..." He turned, dark eyes instantly meeting those sparkling blue orbs, his stomach turned and his heart felt like it was being crushed. "...So I'd rather die than live knowing I'll never have what we shared again. I said it was enough to just be your friend... I was wrong."

His heart sped up in his chest, burning his sun kissed skin though he was shivering from the cold. The pain and torment that was swimming beneath the surface of those dark pools twisted his insides, made his stomach wrench and turn, his heart swell and scorch. He swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat. He knew on some level that this was what it was all about, he had known because he felt the same, but he'd diluted himself to the signs, to everything and now, now he was regretting it.

"Sasuke, I..." He couldn't think of anything to comfort his friend, his once lover. There wasn't anything he could promise that he knew wasn't a possibility.

"Just, go... please." Sasuke turned away from him, turned back to stare out at everything but nothing. "I don't want you to see this, I don't want you to be a part of it."

He growled, angry that he couldn't think of a way to prove the bastard wrong.

"I'm not going anywhere." He pressed himself against the rough cement of the ledge next to Sasuke, only inches away from the pained beauty. "...'Cause no matter what you say I'm _always_ a part of it. As long as even the _**Idea**_ of you exists, I'm a part of it." Naruto narrowed his eyes and unconsciously clenched his fists, the knuckles of his left hand pressing into the brick and scratching. "Even if you do manage to ..." His heart tightened and he had to swallow around the sob that was forcing its way up his throat. "...do this... it's just going to make things worse. Then where's the chance we'll ever be free to love each other?"

He tightened his jaw in an attempt to quell the tears that had rushed forward to haze his vision. Naruto was right, god he was right, but he only received a little part of this pain. He wasn't constantly tormented by a man who had to know everything, had to know every detail of everyday, had to know who he was talking to and exactly what was said, he couldn't remember the last time he was able to speak freely, hell, he couldn't remember the last time he was allowed to feel his own feelings or think his own thoughts. This had to end. Sasuke was never one to believe in God, Heaven or Hell, he'd seen too much, knew too much to think otherwise, but if there was something waiting for them on the 'other side' he'd gladly wait there for Naruto no matter how long it was until they were allowed to meet again; even if such a thing as reincarnation existed, he'd gladly come back as a cat, a mouse, a snake, or even a bug. He'd find Naruto no matter what and be with him until he was worthy of being human once more because he couldn't handle losing the love of his life again, he couldn't handle knowing he was putting him in pain, even the thought of watching the blonde cry at his funeral... god, his 'uncle' would probably forgo all of that, just throw him in a crappy wooden box and bury him in a deep hole in the backyard so that no one else could mourn their loss, the selfish asshole.

His grip on the ledge tightened and unknowingly he had slipped his bottom off of the wide area he had been sitting on, now the only thing holding him up was his own strength, one slip, one move, one strong gust of wind and he'd go head first towards the ground.

Dark orbs slowly turned to regard him again. He wondered what Sasuke had been thinking while scooting closer to letting go. Was it something he said? No, it couldn't be. He was right and they both knew it, his breath had hitched in his throat and the tears that he had shed told him everything that he needed to know, that Sasuke agreed with him, that he was fighting with the urge to throw himself off or the want to pull himself back. He was now gripping the edge of the building ready to reach for Sasuke should he slip, watching the other's fingers out of the corners of his eyes for any indication that he was letting go.

"Naruto, I..." Sasuke voice didn't seem to be his own, he'd never heard the other sound like this, the pain, the anger, the grief and despair all flooded the sound, twisting and deforming the normally confident tone into something else all together. He could see the struggle he was going though just to speak, just to get his thoughts together into one coherent stream.

"...I can't wait any longer. I need you now, I want you now, I love you now, and I..." He watched as those crystal orbs glassed over, his heart twisting and forcing itself up into his throat in an attempt to stop the words from leaving his mouth. "...I can't...I couldn't handle if we were too late..."

"It's not too late now, It'll never be too late, Sasuke." He tried to calm his voice, steady the sound as he shook even more, the cold was just a distant part of this, the soft drizzle that continued to cover him and cool his body didn't matter, he was shaking from the pain, from the fear of losing his best friend, his love, afraid he was about to lose, about to watch the one person in this world that he loved the most fall and be taken away from him forever.

"I know this isn't fair and I'm sorry." His eyes moved away with the apology, he knew it was hard for Sasuke to apologize about something he thought he couldn't control, or maybe he was judging the distance to the ground... He looked down quickly, wondering if he could, in fact, grab Sasuke fast enough, fuck, he hoped he didn't have to find out.

"It's not fair that I put my life into your hands before, that I continue to say those things and yet I'm still here, I'm tired of being a hypocrite, I'm tired of..." He sighed. He was tired of everything; he couldn't deal with all the stress, all the pressure, all the questions, the touching, the fake smiles and acting. "I..." His voice broke, cracked with the tears streaming down his face, mirroring the one's rolling over whiskered cheeks.

His other hand jerked up to rest on the ledge when he saw the pale fingers twitch. "Sasuke," He quickly snapped his mouth shut, the other's name had come out more sternly than what he meant for it to be. He sighed and tried again, making sure that the tingle of anger he felt didn't force its way into his voice. "Sasuke...why even threaten those things in the first place?" He paused watching as the wind softly ruffled the other's dark bangs and he couldn't help the flutter in his stomach knowing that someone as beautiful as Sasuke loved him, he loved him so much that he was willing to die because of it. He pulled in a slow deep breath his eyes moving down to watch the slender fingers barely holding onto the edge. "I told you then..." He sniffed half from the cold and half from the tears that were constantly pressing against the back of his eyes waiting for their turn to fall. "...and I'll tell you again, this is not the answer to anything. It's...the _stupidest_ idea you've ever had." Blue irises raised and ran over what they could see of the raven's profile, watching and waiting for Sasuke to make his move, to say something, anything, waiting for an indication, a hint to what was going though his mind at the moment. He picked up the subtle crease in those elegant brows. "But...that doesn't change how I feel about you, Sasuke. I love you and I'm going to continue to, no matter what happens."

Every time Naruto spoke, no matter what was said, every time those gorgeous eyes looked into his own he could feel himself falling in love with the beautiful blonde all over again, he felt like he was the only thing that mattered to Naruto, that he was the reason for every smile he ever made, for every bright and happy thing that he said, and it killed him that he was going to be the destruction of it... but it was too late. He loosened his fingers slightly, enough so that when he leaned forward, shifting his weight to his torso, his arms stretched, the muscles strained. "They aren't threats..." He mumbled softly. Everything he'd ever done had somehow always ended up going horribly wrong, be it his own fault or the influence of something else and this was more thing he added to that list of failures. "I never lied to you, Naruto." He turned to stare into those shining eyes, his own to hazed over to see the other completely clearly and he suddenly wished that he could. He was happy that Naruto would be the last thing he'd ever see, that the last thing he felt was overwhelming love for the other man, the only person he felt he could ever trust, the only person in the world he'd ever allow to see him this broken. New tears filled his eyes as the pain in his chest swelled, but now he didn't fight it. "I love you... so much more than you'll ever know and I'm sorry that things turned out this way. You deserve so much more than anyone I've ever known..." He swallowed around the lump in his throat, the fingers of his right hand slid completely from the ledge. "Don't change who you are... just...stay as you are, you're perfect, Naruto."

Everything seemed to slow down as Sasuke fell forward, his fingers sliding over the rough rock of the ledge, raven hair was pushed back exposing the soft features that were still glowing in the dull moonlight, dark eyes fluttered closed as equally dark lashed fanned over pink cheeks.

His arms lingered behind his body as he allowed his weight to pull him towards the ground, heart pounding painfully, excited from the sudden knowledge that this was it, this was his last night, his last moments on this earth. For a few seconds he felt the peace that falling brought, but then guilt tainted the feeling with the knowledge that he was leaving Naruto behind.

Naruto acted immediately though every movement seemed to take forever to execute. He threw himself forward, toes pressing against the corner of where the roof met the large ledge that was now digging into his stomach and ribs, his arm reached out, fingers curling around Sasuke's wrist before his other hand darted out for the other hand and missed, quickly changing it's course to the arm he did have a hold of. Sasuke's body slowly turned toward him and look of nearly pure surprise show though those onyx eyes as if he had expected him to just sand by and not do anything. _Fucking Bastard._ Sasuke hit the side of the building with a sickening crack, his shoulder and head hitting the solid concrete head of some gargoyle adorning the outer trimmings, his dead weight jolted them both downward, pulling the wind from both of their lungs.

He winced and glared down into those dark eyes, anger, love and concern running rampant though them. "What the _hell_ are you doing!?" He yelled, his voice suddenly leaping a few octaves higher than normal. A soft growl rumbled though his chest as he clenched his teeth with the strain of holding them both up. It didn't matter that he was afraid if heights, that his fear was slowly starting to unravel in some part of his brain, he ignored it, keeping his hold on Sasuke's arm more determined to not let go than anything else, even if he was pulled down with the stupid moron he wasn't going to let go.

"Just let me go! Let me fall!" He growled. He done it, he had been seconds away from ending his pain, ending everything that was causing the agony, causing his destruction, ending the pain that he had forced onto Naruto. Tears of frustration pooled in those glassy orbs, pouring down pale cheeks, as he stared up into the others own pained ones. "Just let go of me." He'd lost his conviction as soon as he saw the emotions running though Naruto's eyes, he stopped moving and just let himself dangle, held up by the strong hands around his arm which ached painfully, but not more than the pain tearing though his heart.

His grip tightened on Sasuke's arm and he dug his shoes into the crease in the concrete ledge. "I'm NOT gonna let go! I already let you go once and it turned out to be the worst mistake in my life so far!" He yelled, eyes fiercely locked onto the ebony ones beneath him. God, he couldn't handle this, not when he regretted letting Sasuke go even though they both had agreed that it was for the best, that the constant pressure being put on him by his 'uncle' would hopefully be lessened with their parting, but it didn't it only grew worse and though Sasuke never said anything about what went on, never wanted to drag him into it or worry him, Naruto knew, he could tell, he wasn't as stupid as some people thought he was. Letting Sasuke go had been the most painful thing he had ever done, he would have gladly let a semi roll over him if it had been an option. He had been depressed for weeks after, though outwardly no one could tell, and it was only now that he realized that neither could Sasuke. No he had even managed to convince the love of his life that letting him go had meant as much to him as throwing away a pair of old smelly sneakers, he'd done it because he thought it was what was best for him, so that Sasuke could move on, so that his life would be easier, god he was wrong, so wrong. Fuck, sometimes he really was stupid.

He set his jaw, concentrating on keeping his grip on the pale arm and finished what he had started to say before his thoughts had run over his brain. "Now get the fuck back up here!" He yelled more confidently while trying to tug Sasuke up, to pull the other back to him. No he was going to show Sasuke that he was wrong, that he meant more to him that what he thought he did.

His head dropped as pain pumped with renewed vigor though him, sobs erupted quickly and spilled over parched, pale lips and tears poured freely from his eyes. He felt his head spin as he fell in love with blonde beauty all over again. That was exactly what he had wanted to hear, needed to hear, that Naruto regretted it, that he still wanted him, needed him, loved him more than he would admit to otherwise. He grabbed one of the wrists that had a firm hold of his arm as his other hand slowly came up, reaching for the other one holding onto him. He felt the warmth from Naruto's fingers touch his own, the heat radiating into his arm and he felt his body pull it inward, momentarily relishing in how it sped up his heart and quelled his guilt. He looked up, eyes glassed over and somewhat empty despite the emotions flowing though him. "I'm sorry." He spoke softly, unable to raise his voice at the moment as he held tightly onto Naruto's arms.

He grunted, pulling on Sasuke's arms. "I'm tired of hearing that!! Goddamnit!" He growled loudly in frustration. He was tired of hearing apologies spilling over Sasuke's lips even though he could read it easily in his eyes. "Act on it! If you're really sorry then fucking help me pull up your stupid ass!" Another growl passed over his lips as he pulled again, yanking on the other's limp body. Beads of sweat slowly formed, adding to the chill his own body was already suffering.

Dark eyes looked down, blinking though the tears in his eyes as he looked for somewhere to put his shoed foot since his right leg was useless to him, the cast and the pain hindered him for using it. A small ledge jutted out from the window below him and he shoved his sneaker against it, pressing up as Naruto continued to pull him up. Pushing though the pain he mashed his toes against the cold stone, using them as a quick grip and leverage in order to move up another step. Naruto tugged on him again, pulling him up a few inches before he gained his footing again, the toe of his sneaker pressed into the mortared crack between two large cement stones. His chest heaved and his eyes burned when he looked up again, he'd never felt like he'd done more wrong in his life and though Naruto had told him that he would love him no matter what, he highly doubted that a person could forgive someone for trying to end their life so many times, that it would unconsciously tell the blonde that obviously he wasn't enough, but it wasn't true, he was more than enough, more than what Sasuke believe he deserved. Hopefully he had told Naruto that sometime, he couldn't remember at the moment, he was to afraid that once back up on the roof the blonde would be too pissed at him and leave, that he'd blown his last chance with him.

He pulled, the muscles in his back and shoulders quaking, shivering as his body fought with itself as it tried to get warm while straining to balance his own weight and lift Sasuke's, though, the pale skinned man wasn't that heavy really. He leaned back once Sasuke had a knee up on the ledge and pulled once more with more force than he thought he had and fell backwards yanking the other in top of him. The force in which he hit the ground knocked the air from his lungs as he gasped, not moving save for quickly wrapping his arms tightly around the shaking body now laying on him. They stayed like this, Naruto slowly catching his breath and letting his heart catch up to itself as the warmth from being covered slowly seeped into his skin. He squeezed Sasuke. "I need... to get you... a leash." He breathed out softly between pants a gentle smile tugged at his lips with the thought.

He buried his face into the other's neck allowing the last of his walls to crumble and break down. He cried, unabashedly as his body shook, fist tightening in the thin cotton of Naruto's barely there shirt. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't speak even if he did, there were too many thoughts running though his head for him to decipher any one in particular, at the moment all he could do was concentrate on the arms around him, the body under him. He'd never wanted someone more than what he wanted Naruto right now, but he wouldn't blame the blonde for leaving if he so chose to.

A tanned hand slowly slid over the thick cotton of navy hoodie that adorned a large fan on the back and tangled in the raven locks, tugging ever so slightly before pressing against the scalp. "It's alright..." Naruto's voice was soft, and comforting. "You're fine now, "I've got you." He whispered, fingers tightening in the silky locks again. He had already given up on trying to stop his tears which were falling freely, rolling down from the corners of his eyes only to dampen his hairline, his sobs were masked by the fact that his body was shaking in an attempt to get warm but it was nothing compared to how much Sasuke was shaking. He couldn't imagine what the other was thinking at the moment, his own thoughts were ramming into each other like run away bullet trains and the only emotion besides relief that he could pick out distinctly was happiness. He was happy that he had been here because if he had not been... Naruto stopped himself from even finishing that thought. He had saved Sasuke from himself and he'd continue to do so as long as Sasuke still wanted him, still needed him and still loved him.

He tightened his hold on the body beneath him unable to squash the bitter feelings of hate for himself for having nearly left Naruto alone, for nearly killing any chance for what they both wanted to happen. He was so impatient but he couldn't help it, he wanted the other that much that he was constantly up on a ledge just waiting to fall. He could never thank Naruto enough, he could never express enough gratitude to the blonde or tell him exactly how much he loved him for everything he did for him, he couldn't tell him how much joy he brought into his life or how much envied everyone because they were allowed to be completely open with their feelings around him while he was still going to be forced to hide his own. Fuck, he'd been blinded by his jealousy that he didn't see that he _had_ what he was craving for it was just that they had to keep it under wraps and that was what he was envious of. God, if Naruto would just tell him every once in a while that he still wanted, that he still needed, still craved for and loved him, he could get by, he could handle all of this knowing that he wasn't the only one in pain.

A sharp ringing pulled both men from their thoughts as Sasuke's pocket began to vibrate. He glared down over the line of muscles of Naruto's body to stare at his jeans wondering when in hell he'd turned his phone back on. He must have done it when he had thought about calling Naruto before he had planned on jumping; the thought sent fresh pain though his system numbing his fingers. The only other person who would call him was...

Naruto pushed them both up as he rested their collective weight on his arms. "You need to answer that." He stated softly before he was met with dark orbs, a small ribbon of fear running though them. They both knew who it was and neither wanted to part knowing that Sasuke was still fragile, that all Naruto had done was glue the pieces back together for the time being.

Those elegant brows arched up as if almost pleading with him and it tore at his insides. "Sasuke..." He shifted and moved his hand so that he was cupping a tear stained cheek as a few more of those precious drops spilled from those beautiful bottomless pools. He wiped them away with the pad of his thumb, brushing it over the wind burnt skin softly as Sasuke pressed into his palm, closing his eyes and cherishing the warm, affectionate touch. The sun-kissed digit smoothed over a soft, slightly quivering lip as his fingers curled easily under the angular jaw, pulling them closer together before placing gentle kiss on those succulent lips.

He pressed into the tough, warmth spreading though him and quelling some of the desire he had as his craving was slowly filled. God how he missed this, wanted this, needed and adored the feeling of Naruto's lips pressed against his own. It never ceased to amaze him how with one kiss he could feel his body tremble, melt into the others. The thought seared though him and he pressed back fervently, he couldn't get enough of this feeling and it only made him yearn for more.

He pressed back hungrily, swiping his tongue over the full lower lip which parted from it's opposite to grant the slick muscle entry but the sharp ring reminded him that Sasuke needed to answer his phone or he'd have more hell to pay that what he was sure he was. He sat up more, moving so that Sasuke was sitting in his lap and he was sitting straight up, their weight completely off his tail bone and one arm, which instantly wrapped tightly around the other's slender waist. His other hand slid down the creamy neck, resting easily in the arch of skin joining it to the shoulder, he dipped his tongue into the awaiting mouth pressed against his, Sasuke's own deft muscle brushing and running softly up the length of his tongue, granting him a quick taste. He pulled back, gently squeezing Sasuke's neck in comfort and reassurance as they stared into each other's eyes.

"...It's you, it's you, you make me sing, you're every line, you're every word, you're my everything." Naruto sang softly as a gentle smile pressed onto his wind burnt features. His eyes easily picked out the tug on the left side of Sasuke's mouth as he smirked back in his own lazy way that told Naruto that his effort had worked, a bit of the tension was released and he'd be alright for the moment, the lyrics bringing back a happy memory for them both. Naruto leaned forward and placed chaste kiss on Sasuke's lips as he reached for his ringing phone apprehensively.

He shifted, sliding his hand down into the tight pocket and gripped the vibrating device. He couldn't handle this, not now, but with Naruto looking at him so affectionately he couldn't help but feel somewhat at ease, that if anything should happen that he'd be right there, he was _right there_, he didn't dare to look away, afraid that if he did, he'd be lost forever.

Pushing the button on his phone he lifted it to his ear tentatively while clearing his throat with a quick cough. "Yeah?" His voice only shook slightly but he hope it came off as from the cold rather than the strain he had just put on his body.

Dark eyes widened as pain and fear quickly ran though them while he listened to the angered voice as it came shouting though the speaker loud enough for Naruto and probably anyone on the sidewalk below to hear. The hand that was gripping a strong, broad shoulder tightened around the muscle as he felt the all too familiar ache of worthlessness run though him, of pain, and hopelessness.

Naruto tightened his hold around Sasuke's waist as he pulled him more against his chest in an attempt to push the thoughts he could easily read out of the other's brain. He was here, he was going to stay by his side as long as it took and even as those harsh words hit him, some things that were said he was hearing for the first time, he was going to make Sasuke remember why he was working so hard and just what he was working toward, for them. But now, now that he was hearing this for himself he finally had a vague idea of the hell his love was living in and it only gave him the fuel he needed to press forward.

One day... one day it wasn't going to be like this, one day they wouldn't have to hide their feelings, they wouldn't have watch what they said, one day they be together without looking over their shoulders, one day there wouldn't be anything to cause this much pain, this much agony in those beautiful eyes, and one day... one day they could begin their life together, the life that they both wanted more than anything else in this world... and no one would be there to stop them.

Blue orbs lifted knowing and soft as he stared into Sasuke's pained eyes. He'd enjoy the day that emotion was stripped from those beautiful orbs and the only thing he'd see in those pools was happiness and love. That day would be one of the happiest of his life. He squeezed the smaller man in his arms, watching as some of the pain faded as he tightened the hand on his shoulder and leaned more into him.

Naruto chuckled softly to himself, he couldn't wait until the day when they were eighty and his fart jokes finally got old enough so that Sasuke would whap him over the head with his cane to hard and he'd die of laughter, but not before pulling the dark haired beauty down by the leash he was going to buy (and use, aggressively) and kiss those sweet lips.

* * *

A/n: thanks for ticking with me on this one. I left it open for a sequel if I should ever get my Sasuke muse to be a bit happier XD as always, Reviews are most defiantly welcome!


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